Well this cycle wasn't our month. I got my hopes up a little when I started cramping at the beginning of this week and spotting one morning on cd 23. Nope. Good 'ole Aunt Flo arrived this morning (cd 26) much to my dismay. Although I'm disappointed, I'm not defeated. We'll try again this month and keep our fingers crossed again.
In the meantime, we're keeping busy painting our house. Every room is painted except the laundry room and the garage. I keep joking around with Ryan about painting the garage a color, but he thinks I'm nuts. Well it is his domain, so I guess white it is. B-o-r-i-n-g... :)
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
A Better Place
It's been almost a month since I last posted. I'm happy to say that I'm in a better place than the last time I wrote. Things on the school front have settled down and I've found my niche, so for the first time in a long time I'm not stressed out because of work. At home, Ryan and I have been busy working on our house and communicating more. I think we've come to a common ground and understand each other better.
On the "future family" quest, we are still focused but having fun. I did buy a few more sensors for my Ov-Watch hoping that it will help us this time around. I've also been watching my diet and I hope I don't jinx it, but it seems to be working. I've been noticing a LOT of EWCM and we've also been using Preseed, so maybe this will be our cycle. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. An added inkling of hope comes from looking at and comparing last cycle's bbts to this cycle. It looks like I could be ovulating this month. Yay!
On the "future family" quest, we are still focused but having fun. I did buy a few more sensors for my Ov-Watch hoping that it will help us this time around. I've also been watching my diet and I hope I don't jinx it, but it seems to be working. I've been noticing a LOT of EWCM and we've also been using Preseed, so maybe this will be our cycle. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. An added inkling of hope comes from looking at and comparing last cycle's bbts to this cycle. It looks like I could be ovulating this month. Yay!
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Resolution
As expected...whenever I stress over something, it usually resolves itself or works out. On Friday night and Saturday morning, Ryan and I had a real heart to heart talk about everything. I had hit rock bottom the past week and I finally shared with him how I completely felt - if something didn't change I was going to leave. He was shocked! I'm the type of person that if things are not working and I am not happy, I am not going to stay. I move on. He shared that he never expected it and always took for granted that I would stick around.
We had always been the "ideal couple" and "in love". Well I guess getting caught up in the everyday stresses of life and coupled with our long history of infertility caused us to stop working on our relationship and communicating how we felt. I never really knew how he felt about this whole baby quest - the few ups and many downs. He felt he was being supportive by just going along with the fertility treatments and feeling that if it works it works and if it doesn't he's happy with the way are life is now so he wouldn't stress me out. I felt that he didn't care.
Long story short, we finally came to the conclusion that we have to communicate on a deeper level rather than in passing. We also realized that we haven't really seriously TRIED on our own like we had with the fertility treatments. Having intercourse always felt like a chore once we thought we were unsuccessfully trying. So we decided that we were going to actively try. Now for some reason, we are in sync again and it doesn't feel like a chore at all. It feels like a reconnection. I'm hoping that it continues and we can make it happen on our own.
We had always been the "ideal couple" and "in love". Well I guess getting caught up in the everyday stresses of life and coupled with our long history of infertility caused us to stop working on our relationship and communicating how we felt. I never really knew how he felt about this whole baby quest - the few ups and many downs. He felt he was being supportive by just going along with the fertility treatments and feeling that if it works it works and if it doesn't he's happy with the way are life is now so he wouldn't stress me out. I felt that he didn't care.
Long story short, we finally came to the conclusion that we have to communicate on a deeper level rather than in passing. We also realized that we haven't really seriously TRIED on our own like we had with the fertility treatments. Having intercourse always felt like a chore once we thought we were unsuccessfully trying. So we decided that we were going to actively try. Now for some reason, we are in sync again and it doesn't feel like a chore at all. It feels like a reconnection. I'm hoping that it continues and we can make it happen on our own.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Feeling Down
I'm beginning to feel the ebb and flow of life catching up with me. The stresses of work, not having time to enjoy life, nothing really to show for except for a house, and not feeling that connected to Ryan lately has me feeling down. I know I should be focusing on what I do have and be thankful for that. Things could be worse and for many others they are. However, all I can do now is dwell on the negative.
I'm torn. The one thing in my life that I want so badly for me and for us is to have a family. It's something that I've always dreamed of and thought I would have, but now the reality is it's something I may not ever have and definitely something I don't have any control over. It hurts and my heart feels so broken.
I wish I could just let things go and slide off my back like Ryan, but I just can't. I guess it's because this whole infertility situation left off with me being the problem - bad eggs, not ovulating, etc., etc., etc. I've given up alcohol and caffeine in the hopes that my body will magically allow me to get pregnant. So there's not much left as a stress reliever and it doesn't seem to be working anyway. It's the pits. I know I'm rambling on, but I'm wide awake and emotional. I'm hoping this all passes very soon.
I'm torn. The one thing in my life that I want so badly for me and for us is to have a family. It's something that I've always dreamed of and thought I would have, but now the reality is it's something I may not ever have and definitely something I don't have any control over. It hurts and my heart feels so broken.
I wish I could just let things go and slide off my back like Ryan, but I just can't. I guess it's because this whole infertility situation left off with me being the problem - bad eggs, not ovulating, etc., etc., etc. I've given up alcohol and caffeine in the hopes that my body will magically allow me to get pregnant. So there's not much left as a stress reliever and it doesn't seem to be working anyway. It's the pits. I know I'm rambling on, but I'm wide awake and emotional. I'm hoping this all passes very soon.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
It's been a while since I last checked in. I've been caught up in a whirlwind of the new school year starting and trying to stay afloat as I learn a new grade level curriculum, a new school, and getting to know my students. It's been a great way to distract myself from the whole baby quest, but I know the level of stress I've been under probably doesn't help either.
I've been noticing that ever since the IVF and subsequent IUIs we've done, I've been gaining weight. It's a little disheartening considering I haven't been eating like a pig and there's no good reason (a little one) that could be causing this. Could this be a "growing" side effect of all the medications I flooded my system with since the end of March preparing for IVF and now the Metformin I've been on for the past 2 months? I'm a little confused since I've read so much about women losing weight on Metformin, not gaining weight. I hope that doesn't mean that something is wrong. Maybe I'm not taking a high enough dosage for it to make me lose weight.
The one good thing I have to say is that this cycle seems to be a little more normal. Today is day 25 which is already 7 days longer than last cycle. Always need to focus on the positive right? And since I'm so sick of gaining weight, not fitting into old clothes or new clothes (I'm in between sizes...lovely), I've decided to stop whining about it and do something. So instead of having Ryan pick me up from work everyday, I'll walk home 4 times a week and do one of my exercise videos on Saturdays and Sundays. I'm hoping this will make the difference....
I've been noticing that ever since the IVF and subsequent IUIs we've done, I've been gaining weight. It's a little disheartening considering I haven't been eating like a pig and there's no good reason (a little one) that could be causing this. Could this be a "growing" side effect of all the medications I flooded my system with since the end of March preparing for IVF and now the Metformin I've been on for the past 2 months? I'm a little confused since I've read so much about women losing weight on Metformin, not gaining weight. I hope that doesn't mean that something is wrong. Maybe I'm not taking a high enough dosage for it to make me lose weight.
The one good thing I have to say is that this cycle seems to be a little more normal. Today is day 25 which is already 7 days longer than last cycle. Always need to focus on the positive right? And since I'm so sick of gaining weight, not fitting into old clothes or new clothes (I'm in between sizes...lovely), I've decided to stop whining about it and do something. So instead of having Ryan pick me up from work everyday, I'll walk home 4 times a week and do one of my exercise videos on Saturdays and Sundays. I'm hoping this will make the difference....
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
What's Going On?
AF showed unexpectedly last week. The reason I say "unexpected" is because it was only a 18 day cycle. I haven't had one that short since just before we went in for our IVF consultation in March. My last AF seemed weird in the sense that it was brown (sorry too much information) rather than the usual red. I just figured it was only the second AF after a failed IVF cycle, so my body is probably struggling to get back to pre-IVF.
With this short 18 day cycle, I decided to call my dr's office last week to see if this strange occurence was due to my body still trying to get back to normal or if it was due to my body adjusting to the Metformin. Unfortunately, he was out of town at an IVF conference and wouldn't be back until this week. In the meantime I did speak with one of his medical assistants who had relayed my concerns to him. She called back to tell me that he wasn't concerned, that I should continue the Metformin, and that he would call me today. She wasn't clear about what he wanted to speak with me about, so I'm a little anxious to receive his call.
In the meantime, I've been focused mainly on the upcoming school year, trying to prepare my classroom. I've also been trying to be more mindful of my diet. It's weird. Lately, I've been craving fruits and vegetables. Maybe it's all the information I've been reading in the Infertility Cure.
Well I just heard back from the dr. He said that I may have just ovulated prematurely. Although an 18 day cycle may seem unusual, he said that my follicular phase is just changing. So if that's the case then I ovulated some time between the 4th or 6th day of my cycle. I didn't know that was possible and if I'm ovulating that early is that a good thing? I was under the impression that you don't want to ovulate too early as the egg is not fully mature. He just advised me to keep taking the Metformin and watch my cycle. It doesn't sound too proactive...
With this short 18 day cycle, I decided to call my dr's office last week to see if this strange occurence was due to my body still trying to get back to normal or if it was due to my body adjusting to the Metformin. Unfortunately, he was out of town at an IVF conference and wouldn't be back until this week. In the meantime I did speak with one of his medical assistants who had relayed my concerns to him. She called back to tell me that he wasn't concerned, that I should continue the Metformin, and that he would call me today. She wasn't clear about what he wanted to speak with me about, so I'm a little anxious to receive his call.
In the meantime, I've been focused mainly on the upcoming school year, trying to prepare my classroom. I've also been trying to be more mindful of my diet. It's weird. Lately, I've been craving fruits and vegetables. Maybe it's all the information I've been reading in the Infertility Cure.
Well I just heard back from the dr. He said that I may have just ovulated prematurely. Although an 18 day cycle may seem unusual, he said that my follicular phase is just changing. So if that's the case then I ovulated some time between the 4th or 6th day of my cycle. I didn't know that was possible and if I'm ovulating that early is that a good thing? I was under the impression that you don't want to ovulate too early as the egg is not fully mature. He just advised me to keep taking the Metformin and watch my cycle. It doesn't sound too proactive...
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Resting...
I called the dr's office on Monday to let them know this last cycle was a bust and that the Metformin extended release was making me nauseated. Loreen was quick to tell me they could fit me in for an u/s to do another medicated IUI this cycle. With the start of school at the end of this month and a workshop that I need to attend a week and a half before school starts, I figured it would be too stressful for me, so I told her that I would rest this cycle. Also considering that IUIs will no longer be covered by insurance due to our change in insurance plans, even more so, I think we'll be taking a long break from infertility treatments.
Since she said we'll still be trying to conceive on our own, they're leaving me on Metformin for now at 500mg (down from 1000mg) because it's making me nauseated. I'm still reading The Infertility Cure hoping to find some answers, hope, and of course something new to try. It's pretty interesting. According to what I've read so far, I am indeed imbalanced in many areas. It's also a little depressing, but at least helps me understand the underlying possible reasons as to why we haven't been successful on our own and with the aide of infertility treatments. We'll see if what I learn and apply really helps.
The nausea has really hindered a lot of things this week. I was hoping to really get on a consistent exercise schedule, but was only able to exercise a couple of days. Now that I'm feeling a better, I'll try to exercise more regularly. I have yet to try to fit into something that was getting snug, but physically I'm feeling better, so that's a plus. Motivation to keep plugging away.
Since she said we'll still be trying to conceive on our own, they're leaving me on Metformin for now at 500mg (down from 1000mg) because it's making me nauseated. I'm still reading The Infertility Cure hoping to find some answers, hope, and of course something new to try. It's pretty interesting. According to what I've read so far, I am indeed imbalanced in many areas. It's also a little depressing, but at least helps me understand the underlying possible reasons as to why we haven't been successful on our own and with the aide of infertility treatments. We'll see if what I learn and apply really helps.
The nausea has really hindered a lot of things this week. I was hoping to really get on a consistent exercise schedule, but was only able to exercise a couple of days. Now that I'm feeling a better, I'll try to exercise more regularly. I have yet to try to fit into something that was getting snug, but physically I'm feeling better, so that's a plus. Motivation to keep plugging away.
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