On Track

I started out the first 3 days on 300iu's of Follistim and 75iu's of Menopur. Based on my u/s and and blood work, the RE increased my Follistim dose to 400 iu's and 75 iu's of Menopur for the next 3 days. My u/s yesterday showed approximately 20 follicles in all and my levels were where he wanted them to be, so he decreased my dosage to 350iu's of Follistim and 75 iu's of Menopur for 2 days. My next u/s and blood test is scheduled for tomorrow. I can feel the difference as the follies continue to grow. Hopefully things remain on track.

Shrinking...

Today was the u/s appointment that would determine whether or not this cycle would continue or get postponed. I never thought the day would come where I'd be hoping and praying my follicles don't grow. I guess there's always a time for everything.

I had a full bladder which made it a little difficult to clearly see all the follicles, but the largest ones he was able to see/measure were about 7-8mm, which wasn't bad at all. So he gave the okay to stop birth control pills tomorrow and call when AF begins. I asked him if the large follicles he saw the last time shrank and he said that they sometimes do. He'll get a closer look on Friday when I go back for another u/s and blood test. Hopefully all remains on track. If it does, then I will start Follistim and Menopur on Sunday.

Not So Fast!

I had my SIS (saline sonogram) today. It was agony sitting in the waiting room. They asked to me to come with a full bladder. I arrived 10 minutes before my appointment time and had to wait nearly an hour before they did the procedure. So uncomfortable holding a full bladder, with a speculum, 2 catheters, the ultrasound wand, and then the regular ultrasound probe pressed down on my abdomen. Thankfully, it was over within 10 minutes.
The SIS itself wasn't as bad as I anticipated. Much less discomfort than the HSG. The main thing is that there were no fibroids, cysts, or anything irregular with my uterus. I just heard him make the comment that there's not much room in there. Hmmm..
He measured my ovaries and checked on my follicles. I have two follicles, one on each side that are larger than the rest. They're hoping that they don't turn into lead follicles, which may mean a postponement. The original dosage of Lupron was 5 ml but because of those two big follicles, the dosage was increased to 10 ml and a hope and a prayer that they don't grow anymore without being stimulated. Keeping our fingers and toes crossed.

Should we or shouldn't we?

I'm so confused. The RE called to ask if we wanted to do PGD or not. Kaiser usually doesn't cover the procedure and it would cost us approximately $5k on top of the IVF cost. I asked him what the reason would be for PGD and he explained that they would remove a cell from the embryo to test for any chromosomal abnormality. If there were an abnormality it may eliminate or lower the possibility of another miscarriage. The cost alone is a huge factor that is telling me no. But there's a part of me that wonders if it's the right decision. Should we take the chance?

I've looked up PGD on-line and there seems to be pros and cons about it. Some have posted their experiences on fertility boards about it. Two people said to be prepared to not end up with any embryos to transfer after PGD while others have been thankful they did it because they now have a beautiful baby. I am going to be 38 this month and have suffered 2 recurrent miscarriages which is why he is probably recommending PGD. However, the karyotyping test dh and I took both came back normal, along with the lupus anticoagulant antibody test, anticardiolipin antibody test, and serum phosphitidylserine test. I'm not sure what to do.

IVF #2

It's been 3 years since our 1st IVF and over a year since my miscarriage. We decided to try one last time. Earlier this year I had accepted the idea that having a family of our own may not be in the cards after 11 1/2 years of infertility. I woke up one morning feeling at peace with the idea. Dh and I weren't giving up altogether, but had finally come to terms with it. That is until I went to my "wellness woman" appointment in April. Dh had already had an appointment scheduled for the end of April to see a urologist. Something he had never done before. When I went to my appointment, I saw a nurse practitioner that I had never seen before, so she reviewed my entire medical history with me. She suggested that I go and see the clinic's new ob/gyn who might be able to tell me why I haven't been able to get pregnant on my own so easily or carry a pregnancy to term. The cynical part of me thought what could she tell me that I don't already know or that my other OB didn't tell me. But it compelled me to seek her help and the wheels started turning. Dh and I went to see her together. We didn't learn anything new. We did tell her that Dh went to see a urologist and everything turned out okay. She suggested doing another round of IVF and ordered a bunch of tests to update my record.

Fast forward to June 29th...I saw the RE for a day 3 check. I thought they would have done blood work, but it was just an u/s to check my uterus size and lining, and ovarian reserve. We were told during our consultation a couple weeks earlier that it might be better to wait until August/September to do IVF. Given the school year begins in August, I was a little worried, but went along with the idea. Well, at the day 3 check, the RE counted a total of approximately 27 follicles, more on the right ovary than the left. Because my ovarian reserve looked better than they expected considering my age (almost 38), they said we could move forward with IVF #2 in July. So the adventure begins...I started birth control pills and baby aspirin on Thursday. I'm scheduled for an SIS this Thursday and DH and I have to do HIV testing along with a semen analysis.

What's different this time around...we're seeing an RE for this IVF, we told our family and friends in the hopes that more positive thoughts and prayers will make this more successful. Most everyone knows our struggle with having a family, but the last time we didn't tell anyone outside of our immediate family about IVF in case it didn't work. Everyone that knows is so supportive and really rooting for us.

Renewed Hope

Today marked the 11th day of this cycle and my 8th acupuncture session. When I started doing acupuncture treatments again in July, she suggested we not ttc for at least 3 months to give my body time to recover and heal from the miscarriage. Surprisingly, she ended today's session by saying she thought our chances of conceiving are good. This is the first time since I began seeing her in April of last year that she thought I was physically ready to conceive. It was a shock. I asked her why she thought that and she said that I seem different. Not only based on what I told her but also because of what she senses from my body (i.e pulse, ovulation symptoms, etc.). Hearing those words released something in me that I can't quite describe with words. The closest would be "relief" and now hope for good things to come. I feel open and ready.

Normalizing...

At least that's how I think things are now. After a few weeks of acupuncture treatments and herbs, AF arrived on July 15th. The hormone fluctuations seem to be gone as far as hot flashes at night. I am battling intermittent bouts of acne. I swear I feel like I'm going through puberty again with all this acne. I have been more mindful about my diet as far as avoiding dairy products, sugar, and wheat. It's been tough at times, but I'm trying to keep my eye on the prize which is to get pregnant.
I had been feeling pretty good about moving on after our miscarriage until recently when my sister in law called to tell us that their cousin's wife just gave birth. I'm not sure why it bothered me so much. Maybe it was because she had texted me to call her so she could personally tell me. I would have rather she just emailed or texted me about it. I was truly happy for them. The thought never crossed my mind about being bitter or angry. It was just sadness because we wouldn't be able to see the baby we just lost. I would have been almost 15 weeks by now. Thankfully school will be starting soon and I will be extremely busy with work this year. My colleagues have been commenting that I will probably get pregnant because it's not the best time with so many commitments on my plate this school year. If that's the case, I welcome it. But for now, I'm happy to be very busy so that I will avoid too much down time to dwell on being sad.