I'm beginning to feel the ebb and flow of life catching up with me. The stresses of work, not having time to enjoy life, nothing really to show for except for a house, and not feeling that connected to Ryan lately has me feeling down. I know I should be focusing on what I do have and be thankful for that. Things could be worse and for many others they are. However, all I can do now is dwell on the negative.
I'm torn. The one thing in my life that I want so badly for me and for us is to have a family. It's something that I've always dreamed of and thought I would have, but now the reality is it's something I may not ever have and definitely something I don't have any control over. It hurts and my heart feels so broken.
I wish I could just let things go and slide off my back like Ryan, but I just can't. I guess it's because this whole infertility situation left off with me being the problem - bad eggs, not ovulating, etc., etc., etc. I've given up alcohol and caffeine in the hopes that my body will magically allow me to get pregnant. So there's not much left as a stress reliever and it doesn't seem to be working anyway. It's the pits. I know I'm rambling on, but I'm wide awake and emotional. I'm hoping this all passes very soon.
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3 comments:
I'm sorry you're having a hard time. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better. Try to do something nice for yourself if you can.
I think you'd feel down regardless of whose issue it is. I know I do, and DH rarely does. I think it is a female thing.
Thinking of you.
Thanks ladies. It definitely helps to read words of support from people who have gone through the same thing. In my heart I know in time this will pass.
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