36-19-0

At around 2:30 this morning, I officially turned 36. Every birthday I kind of reflect back on my life considering all that I've experienced and accomplished so far, along with of course comparing where I had hoped to be at this point in my life. I have definitely come to the realization (and yes, it's now been engrained in my mind) that I can't plan everything or control things that happen in my life. I had hoped/planned to be happily married (which I am), living in our own home ( which we are), and have 2.5 children (still waiting...). So I'm 36 years old. We've been together for 19 years. We have no children. I know I should be thankful (and I am) for everything and everyone I have in my life. Life could definitely be much worse. I need to remind myself of that and stick to the positive things.
I still think about what Mr. B said when he blessed our previous house. This was before we moved here and before I was diagnosed with my kidney disease. Along with blessing our house, he talked about other things. When he talked about our health, he seemed to focus mainly on dh and kind of avoided talking about my health at all which concerned me because what the heck did that mean? I had no clue what lay ahead. To this day, I think he saw it coming, but didn't want to tell me. Then he told us we would be moving again which we told him was crazy since that was our dream house. Well he ended up being 2 for 2 because a year later I was diagnosed with kidney disease and a couple of years later we decided to sell and move here to build what would really be our dream home in a place we could see raising a family. Since he hadn't mentioned anything about a family, I asked him about it. He brushed off the idea of fertility treatments saying we didn't need any of that and that we would have our own kids by ourselves. Since he turned out to be right about my health and moving, I still hold on to hope that he will be right about this as well. Only time will tell.
So dh has had 3 acupuncture treatments so far and she has put us on a supplement to help with fertility. I don't really think it's an herb because when I looked it up, it was described as the fungus that grows on the backs of caterpillars in China. I wish I didn't know that part. I had gone looking for more information about it because I wanted to know what it does for fertility. Since dh has started treatment too and because I've stabilized, she only sees me every other week. My bbt chart temperatures have drastically improved and with my energy levels increasing, I believe acupuncture and Chinese herbs really made the difference. I'm hoping dh feels/notices the difference too.

Making progress...

Today marks my 12th session. I brought my updated bbt chart so she could look at my temperature pattern this cycle. Today is cd 17 and I am 3dpo. She commented that my temperatures have stabilized which is a good sign compared to previous cycles and my temperatures are making a good progression in the second half of my cycle. She did a little acupressure on my abdomen at Ki 16 before moving on to inserting the needles. Today she targeted St 36, Sp 9, triangular fossa, intertragic notch, Du 20, Ki 3, Lu 7, Sp 4, and Pc 6.
Before leaving, she advised me to avoid anything strenous with my legs this half of my cycle - no running, kicking, etc. I will continue to take what's left of the ginseng nourishing formula and begin taking liu wei di huang wan. In addition, I will be drinking organic nettle leaf tea three times a day.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a successful cycle. If it doesn't result in pregnancy this month, I'll continue on with the hope that it will happen in the near future. I'm happy that dh will be starting acupuncture as well next week Saturday.

Relaxed..

AF arrived two days after my last post. No surprise since we weren't really trying this month. Today was my 11th session. It was one of the most relaxing and enjoyable sessions. Since she is still trying to build up my qi and immunity, she did some cupping massage and applied warm towels to my back afterward which was very relaxing.
I asked her why I usually feel surges when she targets points on the left side of my body and she explained that I could have a blockage of qi or I am more active on the left side. Right after that, she inserted a needle on my right side and I felt a sudden surge of qi. To help further boost my qi, I am continuing with the ginseng formula and at a larger dose. Hopefully it will produce better results this week. I told her that I had been feeling sluggish this week with headaches which I thought were connected to the ginseng, but she said it is due to my low immunity and the way my body is reacting to the poor air quality.
I've started using the Clearblue Easy digital monitor this cycle with the hope that we will begin trying again. I'm looking forward to our romantic weekend getaway. It'll be nice to have some relaxing alone time together.

It's Electric!

So now that I'm finally on break from school, I've been feeling sort of lost. It's scary to think how much of my life is spent at school or working on things pertaining to school. Not a good sign. I've been having withdrawals and trying to find things to do at home. I bought Randine Lewis' book The Infertility Cure almost a year ago, and although I started reading it when I first got it, it was hard for me to relate to, so I had stopped. Now that I'm actually seeing an acupuncturist and taking Chinese herbs, I understand the things that she writes about. So I've started reading it from the beginning.

As I waited for my acupuncturist this morning, I read a section in the book about the spleen, digestion and immunological systems. It was as if I was reading about myself. When she called me in for my session, I asked her if my problems are associated with my spleen and she said they were. It seems that I have a malfunctioning spleen system judging by my autoimmune problems (IgA nephropathy), allergies, digestive disturbances, and scanty menstruation. This is getting more and more interesting. I need to read more.

This was my 10th acupuncture session and day 29 of this cycle. I've been experiencing mild cramping, but no sign of AF yet. She didn't do any work on my back this time, but put a lot of needles in different points on my left ear, GB 26, Sp 10, St 36, SJ 5 (on the right arm), and Pc 6 (on the left arm). In addition, she did moxa on the lower points and my abdominal area. The most interesting thing happened when she inserted the needle at the Pc 6 location. I felt this intense "electrical" sensation shooting from that point to my middle finger on my left hand. I also felt a strong sensation when she inserted the needle at the St 36 location on my left leg. It seems like the most intense sensations occur on the left side. Interesting...

I am continuing to take my new vitamin regime and she has now added in Ren Shen Yang Ying Wan in addition to the Dang Gui Shao Yao San.

Home Stretch...

Wow, it's been quite awhile since I last posted. I've had 3 more sessions since I last posted two of which included cupping. I know after the first time I experienced cupping I was hesitant to ever have it done again because of the pain I was in. However, it ended up helping me have the best week ever. So having shared that with my acupuncturist, she did cupping massage again but not as intensely as the first time. I did have some purplish bruising, but it went away much quicker than the first time. I notice with each time she does it, I don't have as many marks. I read on-line the more you do it, the less bruising because there's less toxicity. I wonder if that's really true. Hmmm...
My BBT temperatures have been really weird this month which she noticed as well. In the beginning of my cycle, my temperatures were above 98.0 and then a week into the cycle they went down to below 98.0 which is unusual for me. Then just before she was going to do the abdominal massage therapy she asked if there was any way I could be pregnant. Hmmm...again. I told her that I didn't think so since we tried to avoid intercourse during the middle of my cycle, which of course doesn't guarantee anything. I'm now about a week away from my next AF and my temps have been hovering in the low 98 degree temps which isn't normal for me either. Looking at this cycle's chart, it doesn't look like I ovulated at all. I'm hoping that my body is gearing up for an amazing cycle so we can get pregnant. We're celebrating our 19th year anniversary a little earlier by going to a beautiful resort for a few days at the end of this month. Hopefully a nice, relaxing semi-getaway will help do the trick. Keeping our fingers crossed. :)

Progress...

I just finished my 6th session yesterday. It seems like we are making progress dealing with dampness, qi deficiency, and blood deficiency. My acupuncturist needed to increase my herb dosage last week because she wasn't seeing enough of a difference. It now seems to be working better and I am maintaining this new herb dosage. Yesterday, she also sent me home with a moxibustion stick to warm my navel area, the area just below both my knees, and the point above my left and right ankle bone. I am to do this at least once day from cd 1-14. For the first time since I started treatment, she said we can focus on making me more fertile. Prior to this, we were focusing primarily on building up my immunity.

Dizziness and Nausea

I wish it were pregnancy symptoms...but they were the after effects of today's acupuncture treatment. After being face down for about an hour for today's treatment, I got up too fast and suddenly felt dizzy, light headed, and nauseous. She said it was also partly because I am blood deficient. Therefore, she recommended that I decrease my carb intake and increase my protein intake. She also increased my dosage on the herbs she gave last week and added another herb formula too. This session she began with an abdominal massage before moving to my back side. She asked if I had been experiencing dizziness, blurry vision, and neck pain. It was exactly what I had experienced off and on for a while. After doing skin rolls up my spine, she massaged my shoulder area, and began applying the acupuncture needles. There were too many to count. She put them in areas that were different than the previous weeks - in the back of my head, all over my back - especially my lumbar area which had an uncomfortable sensation in the beginning. Once the needles were inserted, she did moxibustion up and down my back. I'm hoping that I feel as energized and good as I did this past week. I was excited because I haven't felt like this in years.

Bruised

After telling my acupuncturist about the crappy week I had feeling exhausted ALL week and experiencing allergy/mild asthma throughout the week, and after looking at my charts for the past several months, she decided that the focus will be on building up my immune system. So instead of focusing primarily on the abdominal massage, she worked on my back. Instead of doing "skin rolls" which feels like pinching up my spine, she tried to work out the knot on my left shoulder. After doing that, she did cupping. She explained that this technique helps draw the toxins to the surface so that it may be easily released from the body. It was painful mainly because she primarily massaged my shoulder areas with it and parts of my back. My back is so purple, it scared dh. He had to take a picture of it. I had to explain to him that the bruising is normal after cupping. He had heard of it but never saw what it looks like right after. She assured me that the bruising should go away after a few days. I hope so. It does look rather scary, especially on my shoulders. It is also especially tender and kind of feels like a cut and a bad sunburn. It hurts to wear anything on my shoulders.

After working on my back, she did acupuncture on my front side (left ear, abdomen, both hands, both feet, and both legs). Once all the needles were inserted, she did moxibustion at different points on my body before finally placing some moxibustion material on the needles in my abdomen and lighting them. She asked if I felt the heat since lighting the moxibustion material would heat the needle. I didn't feel the heat, but I could feel something going on in my abdomen.

My next appointment is scheduled for next week Saturday. I'm hoping that this week will be better. With the exception of the bruising and painful shoulders, I feel pretty good. I wasn't as tired as I had been post-treatment the past three weeks, which was nice. She recommended that I continue taking the Chinese herbs but gave me a new one that is similar to the one she gave me last week, but this one is stronger. She also suggested that I exercise. When I asked her about the types of exercise I was doing before this (i.e. lifting free weights, running, and walking) she said that running is not good. Walking is okay and I really need to focus on movement and stretching to get my blood circulating, so yoga, tai chi, and qigong would be good forms of exercise for me. I'll have to look for some good DVDs to try.

Three Months

Today was my second visit with my acupuncturist and I'm happy that I felt much better than the first visit. I think I'm getting used to the treatment and I've experienced a difference in the way I feel, so the discomfort was worth it. Since my last visit, I've been following her recommendations of staying away from dairy products and drinking the PMS herbal tea twice a day. Because of this, I haven't experienced breast tenderness or been retaining water as much as I normally would prior to AF showing.
We started the session with discussing changes that I've experienced or not experienced, concerns, and our conception plans. She suggested that we take a three month break from trying so that she could help get my body balanced. She feels that this will give us a better chance of conceiving. We've waited this long to have a family. Three months won't be that bad.
Like the last session, she started with the abdominal massage which wasn't as uncomfortable as last week, and acupuncture w/moxibustion. Because I complained about my allergies, she also massaged some oil into my breastbone area and told me to continue doing this at home to help with building up my immunity. What was pretty interesting was after she removed one of the needles from my left inner calf, I felt a weird sensation in the area and then on the left side of my abdomen. I asked her if those two areas were linked and she said they were. I also felt some movement in my abdomen as I lay resting with the needles inserted. Altogether I counted 20 needles - 4 in each ear, 1 on the top side of each hand between my thumb and forefinger, 2 on the top of my left foot, 1 between my eyebrows, 2 on each inner calf, 3 on my abdomen.
Since AF started this morning, she said I could stop drinking the tea. She explained that although my tongue looked a little better this week, my pulse is weak, and I have a lot of stagnation, so we need to build up my immunity and chi. She sent me home with a bottle of chinese herbs - Women's Precious Teapills "Nu Ke Ba Zhen Wan" to take. I'm supposed to take 8 pills, 3 times a day. I thought it was a lot, but they look like tiny bb's or beads that are easy to swallow, so it's not so bad. I looked them up on-line and realized that all the things I've experienced for a long time and complained about are supposed to be addressed with this herb mixture. I'm hopeful it works and brings me back to some kind of normal again.

Positive Experience

I had my first acupuncture and body work treatment this morning. It all began with filling out a form that gave the acupuncturist initial information about my history, areas of concern, and my goals for treatment. She went over her training and background which made me feel more confident about choosing her to treat me. After I explained all that I had been through with my health and all the treatments we had undergone with fertility, she gave me an idea of her plan of treatment to begin with. The reason I say begin with is because based on my feedback, she will adjust my treatment accordingly. She explained that I have dampness which is important to address along with building up my immune system, and once I become pregnant, she will want to focus on my kidneys.
The session began with her looking at my tongue, feeling my pulse in three places on both wrists. Then she performed Chi Nei Tsang which is an ancient form of abdominal massage that is great for fertility. It was rather uncomfortable to say the least. She explained that my abdominal area was extremely tight which doesn't give much room for a baby. She could also tell that I felt bloated. The goal is to work the area to become loose. She really worked that area today. Right now it feels like I did some major ab crunches. Next, she worked on my spine. It felt like she was pinching my spine from the base all the way up to my neck. She massaged my shoulder area and commented that I am rather tight there too. It's where I tend to hold all my stress and tension. She did this twice before doing moxibustion along that same area. Finally she did the acupuncture treatment using at least 15 needles in my feet, legs, abdomen, hands, arms, right ear, and forehead. I tried to remember all the points so I could look them up in my "Infertility Cure" book to see what those points targeted. Sure enough it was all the necessary areas we discussed. After inserting the needles, she did a round of moxibustion on some of the areas - feet, abdomen and legs. I felt a wave in my abdomen and a burning sensation from my left hand and right lower leg. I rested there for about 15 minutes before she removed the needles. After she removed the needles from my right ear, I felt a tingling sensation going down the section behind my right ear. I felt very relaxed. She explained that even after removing the needles, I will feel the effects of treatment for at least the next few days.
After the treatment, she gave me some water to drink and advised that I continue to drink lots of water and take it easy. We scheduled my next appointment for Saturday. She recommended that I continue to work on my deep breathing and drink PMS tea twice a day as I am expecting AF in the next week or so.
I ate a light lunch, took my vitamins, and drank a cup of tea. All of a sudden I felt tired. I ended up taking a 2 1/2 hour nap! I never take naps which was interesting. What will be equally interesting is if I'll be able to fall asleep tonight since I took such a long nap. The few times that I have taken an afternoon nap, I had difficulty falling asleep at night. But, as I sit here drinking my second cup of tea, I find myself getting tired again.

Something New

So last week I was on-line looking at some message boards and then began researching acupuncture and fertility. I had tried looking for an acupuncturist who specialized in fertility here but wasn't able to find one that actually listed it in their specialties. Low and behold last week, I found someone who specializes in it and scheduled a consultation and possible treatment starting today. I am excited about trying something that may actually worked since there's a lot of evidence of it working when couples are trying naturally and with assisted reproductive technology to conceive, but at the same time I'm wondering how it will affect me. Will it be the thing that will actually work? Will it make this or other things worse? Keeping my fingers crossed.

Revelation

I'm happy to be on spring break as it proved to be a time to relax (a little), catch up and prepare (for the last quarter of the school year), and time to get things done. This time has also given me a lot of time to think since I'm home alone while dh's at work.
We're still on our quest to start a family. I'm on my third cycle with the Clearblue Easy Digital monitor hoping that each time it will be the last time I'll need to use it. I've also gone back to the TCOYF message boards to lurk and learn. I've been reading about soy isoflavones and decided to try it this cycle. I can't say I've noticed any results yet because it's way too early. The only thing that seems to be different are the pinches in my abdomen (ovulation?) and lower than usual temps in the morning (yesterday was 96.9). I've read about good results, bad results, and no results. I'm hoping that I'll be one of the good results. We'll see.
Early last week, I heard from a former colleague who shared that someone we know has stage 4 lung cancer. I was devastated. Granted we were never close friends, but she was always such a pleasant, genuine, and good person that I respected. To hear the news about her health, just hit me hard because something as tragic as this could happen to anyone. It also reminded me of my own mortality which I was faced with when I was diagnosed just 3 years ago with IgA nephropathy. Things like this I think are God's way of reminding us to be thankful for what we have and the time that we have here on Earth.
I stopped thinking about what I don't have..children with dh and started thinking more about how thankful I am for what I do have...my parents and family, a stable job as a teacher (especially in this unstable economy), a beautiful new home equipped with all that I dreamed of, and of course a life partner who treats me with unconditional love, respect,and support. Although I have been dealt the cards of infertility and kidney disease, it has also encouraged me to take better care of myself, to be healthy. Since I've been lifting weights and running/walking, I have noticed a difference in the way I feel mentally and physically. Maybe this is what I need to do to make sure my body is prepared to grow another life and to maintain the one that I am living with now.

Better in Time

This week was the first time that I've started to feel more like myself since Valentine's weekend. What an ordeal...one thing after another. I've slowly recovered and am feeling much better. After waiting over a week to find out the results of my blood test, it was confirmed that I had Fifth's Disease. I'm thankful that I know for sure, but at the same time I'm wondering where I got it from. It's a form of measles, so now that I've had it, I've developed anti-bodies and will hopefully not get it again. Although I've heard that the symptoms can reoccur for up to about 2 months. It's been about two weeks so I have another 6 weeks to go. I'm praying the joint pain doesn't return because that was the worse part.

Down

I haven't posted in awhile. I guess it's because there's nothing worth posting. Last month, I started using the Clearblue Easy Digital monitor after reading how accurate it is. I was hesitant about even investing in yet another ovulation predicting gadget because I had problems with the Ov-watch and using the regular ovulation prediction tests were just so hard to read. Then there's the harsh reality that after 9 years of trying on our own, with numerous iui's combined with clomid, femara, or pergonal, and then a failed ivf how could I expect trying on our own would prove to be successful? Well, what more could I lose by trying it. I think it would've bugged me more if I didn't try it.

The Clearblue Easy Digital monitor is very easy to use and seems to give me similar results to the Ov-watch, so maybe the Ov-watch wasn't as faulty as I previously thought. But between the two, I think the Clearblue easy seems more accurate so far. No luck last cycle. I'm now on cycle two.

Last night, I broke down crying out of frustration and fear. Last week I got hit pretty hard with the flu. It all started Valentine's night with a fever, sore throat, congestion, and body aches. After self-medicating with Tylenol Severe Cold, the next day I was left with just congestion and a cough. Three days later, the fever and body aches came back to partner up with the congestion and cough. I had a pretty determined fever that stayed all the way to Sunday. I was actually starting to get better by Friday, but because of the prescribed medication and not drinking enough water, I had a VERY bad case of constipation. It was a nightmare! It took a couple of days to recover from that alone.

Then if that weren't enough the saga continued. This past Thursday, I noticed pink splotches all over both arms and legs and my joints were a little tight and achy. We tried looking it up on the web to see what it could be. The closest thing was hives. I didn't think it was especially since I've had hives before and this didn't look like it. I tried taking an antihistimine anyway. Usually after 15-20 minutes you would see results. Nope. No change. I went to bed because it made me really sleepy and prayed that it would just go away by morning. No such luck. My joints hurt even more and the splotchiness was still there. Something told me maybe I had measles. I looked it up on-line and it also linked me to something call fifth's disease. Comparing my symptoms with both measles and fifth's disease, it seemed I had fifth's disease. Since I already had the rash like splotchiness it said I was no longer contagious so I went to work. I guess from being on my feet all day, it made my joints swell even more and I was growing more and more in pain. After sharing this with a co-worker, I discovered someone at work was pregnant and there was concern that if it is fifth's disease, she needed to leave. Fifth's disease is dangerous to any fetus in the first or second trimester. The fetus can get the virus and the mother could miscarry. By the end of the day, I just felt like I was defective, guilty because I had inconvenienced this pregnant woman, and like something was really wrong with me. As guilty, frustrated, and in pain as I felt, I was afraid for the pregnant woman because I know how I would feel if I were pregnant and someone had this virus that could end it.

I ended up going to the doctor who didn't think it was Fifth's disease. But I've never been one to take a doctor's word for anything. So I pushed for a blood test to confirm whether or not it is Fifth's disease so I could put everyone's mind at ease. We won't know the results until the early part of next week. So in the meantimen, he put me back on steroids which has crappy side effects but as dh reminded me, if it helps my symptoms, it's worth it. He was right. I woke up this morning feeling 50% better. My splotchiness is lighter and my joints are not in pain as badly as they were last night. Hopefully this continues to get better and I pray that it's just a virus like he said rather than the Fifth's disease. Please pray for me.

Positive Experience Afterall...

Okay, so I know I last wrote with the best intentions of staying positive. Well, it's pretty challenging to stay positive about something you've never experienced, but need to do, and everyone else has had horrible experiences to share.

At my last check up with my ob, I was advised to do a mammogram. I was shocked to say the least because I thought this wonderful (I say that sarcastically of course)rite of passage doesn't get bestowed upon you until you're at least 40, unless it unfortunately runs in your family. Thankfully, no one in my family has been diagnosed with breast cancer and I pray it remains that way. This would just serve as a baseline and if it comes out clean then I won't have to do it until I turn 40.

My sister-in-law, bless her heart, is much more blessed in the chest area than I am and she just experienced her first one a week ago. Needless to say, she said it was the most painful thing ever and warned me to brace myself. The fear began to set in. Of course, in the back of my mind I'm thinking I've been poked and prodded more than she has in the past few years than she's probably been in her life. However, she does have two children of her own by way of c-section which can be painful. But of course, everyone has a different level of pain tolerance. She shared that her good friend just had hers done and she's probably about as endowed as I am, and it was a bad experience too.

Before dh left for work, he whispered for me to "be strong". So after major butterflies in my stomach, I sucked it up and went to my appointment this morning. The radiologist was the most sweetest, fun-loving woman who carefully explained the procedure and put me at ease. The whole thing was over before I knew it and didn't hurt at all. As I waited for her to make sure she captured whatever she needed to, she suggested I read some information about mammograms. Along with the importance of mammograms and early detection, I learned the best time to do it is during the first 2 weeks following menstruation. Bingo! That must be why it didn't hurt a bit. I'll have to remember that the next time I need to do one of these...hopefully not for another 5 years.

So for those of you reading this that haven't experienced a mammogram yet, I hope my positive experience will help ease any fears. It's really not that bad. A little strange, but nonetheless well worth it if it helps save lives.

New Year, New Beginnings

It's been a while since I last posted. I wish it was because I had good things happening that kept me from posting, but no such luck. That's okay.

Last night as the clock was approaching midnight, I had a really good feeling come over me. A feeling that was focused on the positive, a clean slate, and all the things I should be thankful for. I've noticed that focusing on what I don't have but really want has really been a downer for me, for us, since...geez..since this whole infertility quest began.

My new year's resolutions are to exercise more regularly (yes, like everybody else), be more conscientious about what I eat (yes, like everybody else), to focus on the positive things, and be mindful of what I am blessed with in my life. ;)

Here it goes...I am thankful for my wonderful husband who is my best friend and loves me unconditionally (God Bless him!), my family back home who I was grateful to see for Christmas, the best job in the world teaching children that I love like my own, and a beautiful new home filled with comfort and love.

Here's to a new year filled with new beginnings! Happy New Year!