Emotional Day

Today has been a really emotional day in the sense that I've been going back and forth between positive and negative. I'm hoping and praying for tomorrow's beta test to tell me that we will finally be expecting our first child(ren), but at the same time I can't help but prepare myself for the worse. The tired part of me just wants to run out to the store and buy a darn hpt test to end my agony, but then I think it could also bring me one step closer to finding out that the IVF didn't work. What to do? Why the mixed feelings?

Well, I've been experiencing cramping throughout the day, almost as if AF is right on her way. I don't have any other symptoms - no tender breasts, blue veins, or pinching and pulling like before. So it makes me think that AF is trying to fight her way through but the progesterone and estrogen are keeping her at bay. On the other hand, the more positive, reasonable side is focusing on the fact that I did have the pinching and pulling before which may mean they've already implanted and are growing, not everyone has tender breasts or blue veins, or symptoms for that matter. And, I usually get very tender breasts from the time of ovulation until AF arrives which I don't have. I also did get very tired and light headed all of a sudden late this morning which told me to eat something and take a nap. So maybe I have a chance.

I'm so good at psyching myself up, down and out. I can hear everyone telling me to stay positive. I can hear my dr telling me after I asked him if this was going to work and he told me that we'll make it work. I can hear a very dear friend telling me to leave all of it in God's hands. I know I should. I hope I'm able to. Pray that I do.