Numb

I guess "numb" is the right title for this entry. That's how I feel so far after the medication I've been taking, the waiting, and thinking about everything that's going on.
I'm thankful to be finished with both the Desogen and Doxycycline this week. Two less things to schedule into my day and make sure I take, and hopefully less side effects to experience..at least until I start taking the next round of meds - Gonal F and Menopur. Yesterday I felt so weak and exhausted by about 12:30, I could hardly even lift my arms up to read a book lying down. I slept for about an hour and a half which is rare for me. I rarely take naps. It's a childhood thing. I always fought taking naps because I thought I would miss out on something while I was sleeping or that it was a waste of time.
I'm happy that in approximately 14 days Ryan will be coming and hopefully the next day we will finally do the egg retrieval. These last 4 months have been rough being apart. Prior to this year, we've never been apart for more than 3 weeks in the entire almost 18 years we've been together. He just said last night that he can't wait to come because he's kind of lonely. Even though I'm with my family, I feel lonely too.
Our house is almost completely built. I'm bummed that I'm not there physically to see the completion or to help Ryan with the move at the end of the month. Poor guy has so much on his shoulders right now. I'm thankful that he's such a good husband and partner, that he's willing to do so much without grumbling or stressing me out. I can't wait to go home and for it to be just the two of us again (or maybe the three, four or five us).
Thinking about everything that's happening all at the same time (i.e. IVF, moving in, and starting my new job), a part of me starts to think pessimistically about whether this is going to work. But then there's the other part of me that says remember when everything was timed so perfectly with the IUI's and it didn't work. Maybe with all these things "colliding" at the same time, it will finally work for us. I guess that's the closest thing I can come to being optimistic. In the end, all I can believe is if it is meant for us to be parents, we will be, and if it's not, I would rather have a wonderful husband without kids, than be in an unhappy relationship with all the kids I could ever want. I suppose in my reflection, I'm focusing on a destiny that is ultimately happy and satisfying.